Fiji

(Source: livebreathehope)

What’s kills me most is that you don’t talk to me any more. After i lost my virginity to you, we layed there and you told me that you would always be there for me no matter what it was or what ever time of the day it was even if we weren’t together any more and were with different people i just had to call you and you would always listen to me and be there. You are the only guy who I ever COMPLETELY loved who I knew everything about i know every dimple on your back and ass every scar on your body and you knew all of mines you knew how to hold me when I was trying to be strong and not cry about something. I will never reget you you showed me what love was I spent almost over four years with you and of course it was never perfect but nothing is ever perfect, even threw our hard times we still managed to be the last person we talked to at the end of every day. And the best part of our relationship was that we still talked after it was actually over over, and we would still be together even though we were with someone else and we didn’t even see it as cheating cause no matter what we ALWAYS knew that we were going go end up together at the end of our lives I thought nothing would ever end what we had. But something did and I know it was my fault, i just wasn’t ready though. You were leaving and I was going to be alone for almost a year before you could come back. I know we didnt plan on me getting pregnant so last minute but what did we expect we never used protection. And so it happened and I was terrified and didn’t know how to handle it I’m still so young I wanted to live before I brought in another life i wanted to be sure I would be able to completely provide for a baby before I had one. But you wanted to keep it I understand it was your first child and that would never be replaced but as much as you say you were ready I know you weren’t. Till this day I’m sorry I’m so so so very sorry I’ll never forgive myself for going on my own and aborting our baby but I was scared and it seemed like the best option for us, I’ll never forget the words you told me after i told you what I did to our baby. :”“”( you have every right to hate me i expect you to never forgive me for any of it I really don’t it’s only human of you to hate me as much as you do, but I do wish you could still be here for me, I need you I do this would of been the end of the ninth month our little baby either would of been here already or would about to be here. :”( && it’s really getting to me I keep thinking I should of kept it, life would be so different I probably would of been in San Diego with you while you stay going to school and I could of went to the local community college, we could of made it work it would of been so hard but worth it and we would of only gotten stronger threw it all. The tears I just can’t stop them, i wish you would text me back I need you so much. I’m sorry and I know I’ll never be right about any of this but I hope one day we can talk again cause you were my first everything and the only person who I ever loved, who will ever understand all of me. I pray that one day God will let us reconnect one day. I love you Ridge, and I’ll always love our little one who I never gave a chance to.